Well it’s May the third and isn’t it awfully close to the final of Election Fever 2010? I hope Graham Norton presents it the results show, and at the end Gordon Brown has to give the key to 10 Downing Street to Andrew Lloyd-Webber as he sits in his throne, before being winched across the studio as Clegg and Cameron wave him off wearing twee little gingham dresses. It’s a really tough call for who I want to win; I mean Cameron’s a great performer, but then I do love an underdog, and I feel Clegg has really captured the nation with his little cute face and hand in his pocket… He’s like a white Obama, isn’t he? Whatever happens, I’ll be glad to see that jowly, glass-eyed Uggo miss out on the top prize. He’s basically completely copied Susan Boyle - we’ve seen the Scottish freakshow routine before Gordo, and it made us feel pretty sick the first time around.

Ho ho ho, only joking. ‘What larks!, I hear you cry.

Of course, the election is a lot more important than comparing it with Lloyd-Webber’s deeply odd new show Over The Rainbow, though it must be said it’s a very easy one to make. It’s hard to say whether this seemingly new widespread interest in politics from the Youth Of Today, myself included, will have a positive effect on the General Election 2010 and indeed General Elections to come… I do tend to feel it has become a bit of a popularity contest, one that Nick Clegg is winning on account of him having the most generic face, neither ruddy and shiny or sullen and scrotlike, and him offering “change” in a more trustworthy tone than Mr. Cameron. I couldn’t help but cringe upon seeing the Facebook group ‘We got Rage to #1, we can get Nick Clegg to PM’. Still, it’s nice that they have received a lot of new found support, and at least these first time voters who don’t want Labour are Lib Dem voters and not cunts, or rather Conservatives, as they prefer to be called. Still, I can’t help but think Nick Clegg could have said what Brown said in the past two debates and still received the same amount of support in the polls. Anything to stop a Tory landslide isn’t too bad though, I guess.

The thing is, it may just work out into helping Cameron and his party of bastards to slither past the post with a tiny majority, due to Lib Dem candidates saying ‘It’s not a wasted vote!’, when really in many constituencies, it definitely is. It makes a mockery of the voting system but oh well; tactical voting is really the only thing bar a video of a leather-clad Dave being dominated by Sam surfacing, or him being caught on mic using the phrase ‘batty boys’ or ‘mongospastics’, that will keep them out of office. Here’s a nice website that may help.

The prospect of a Tory government, for me, is a little bit like the prospect of your girlfriend getting back with her ex-boyfriend… you weren’t around the first time, but you’ve heard a lot of bad things, and the thought of him (in this instance representing the Conservatives) getting his grubby hands all over her (in this instance representing the United Kingdom) is deeply worrying and makes you feel a little bit sick. I really hope old Big Dave, with his vacuous statements, big shiny face and his team of clueless cronies don’t get in on Thursday, but being a habitual pessimist I fear he might well do. At least there’s the prospect of him plunging us deeper into recession and huge public distrust causing the death of the Conservatives once and for all, but really that’s like falling over in a big mountain of dog shit and thinking ‘at least I can get a new coat now…’